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Fred is dead. Long live Fred

And in the charge of murder by Obnoxious Drunk English guy of Frederik von Giraffe (Esquire), how do you plead?

Tragically, It was only a matter of time.

Fred had been enjoying the party at the hostel in the way that only Fred can. The wine and beer had been flowing, the drinking games played and the cards out. Fred, as is his way, became the life and soul of the party. And, of course, when it was suggested that the party move down the beach to a club (in part because the bar was closing), Fred was eager to come as well, despite the fact that he is not currently the healthiest of giraffes.


Fred on his way to the party which was to end so tragically, and (below) at the bar 30minutes before the vicious attack


For a while, everything was going well. Cheap drinks at certain times were consumed, and Fred made countless new friends whilst part taking over the dance floor, and part taking over the bar. And then, tragedy stuck. A random obnoxious, drunk English guy (is there any other sort?), partly upset at loosing out to the affections of a beautiful young lady to Fred – he's a gay albino giraffe, ffs – and partly for reasons that we will never know, decided to take a bite out Frederik's nose. To a human, it would have been painful and bloody. To an inflatable giraffe, it was life threatening.

Fred instantly started to rapidly deflate, and in short terms was soon packed away and put on a ventilator. The drunk English guy, either through luck on his part or realisation of the GBH (Giraffe-Bodily-Harm) he had just committed, disappeared, leaving a group of very angry and extremely upset human companions of Fred thirsting for his blood.

It was not a pretty situation, and things did not improve as the evening wore on, especially a the tide had come along way in by the time we left, and several people struggled to find their way back to the hostel, hidden by a sand dune in the pitch black 25minutes away down the beach. What started as a happy evening out had descended into a hard, emotional fraught and anything but happy night.

The following morning, Fred underwent emergency surgery, and after an arduous and painstaking operation involving the complex use of duct tape, i'm pleased to announce that Mr. von Giraffe has been removed from life support.

He remains in a critical but stable state.

Posted by Gelli 13:21 Archived in Mozambique Tagged round_the_world

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Thank God he was able to pull through! I shall light a candle for him today.

I do have to wonder, though, whether Mr. von Giraffe might not be a bit of a scallywag himself. After all, since appearing on the scene, little has been heard of our Elk friend Clive.

by GregW

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